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About Me Name: Alvin Age: 20 School: none Education: none
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I still talk about you often.. I still mention you in front of my friends.. I still think about you day and night... part of you is found inside me... I still say you were the best... you are still the best.. you are the only one who was willing to be there for me... who was willing to stand my stupid temper and not say anything, not resisting, not standing up to voice your opinion, not even wanna say what you felt that you were right at that time...
Every night you would do the same thing; the SMSes, different SMSes personally written by you, and all coveyed the same message... to tell me that you were going to bed... to say "Goodnight Dear" every night, without fail... "I will go to bed first.."every, single night of my life... I took it for granted... yes I really took it for granted... I thought you were expected to do it sometimes.. when we were at that point of time... but no... it wasn't the case at all.. you did it coz you loved me, coz I was part of you at that point of time... you did that, although I know it was just only goodnight messages from you, but I could feel the sincerity from it even from now, at this point of time, I still miss them... how I wish it will be back again... and it will be there forever.. I was immature, really ungrateful for thinking of that kind of thought, of ending it so early over one silly thing.. I thought I was superior, my ego took over me, I wanted full control, I was really stubborn, I thought by doing things my way you would be happy... No, I was wrong. I was wrong all the while. Just because you didnt turn up for my chalet, doesn't mean you did not love me anymore.. it wasn't that case.. I understood your plight at that time... you were in a difficult stage at that point of time... and when you had explained to me, I showed as if I did not care at all... what the hell am I thinking? Not your fault to cause all the mess. I know it was difficult for you to accept me as a whole. But you tried. You tried and I knew. I knew because you showed. You showed me by ever compromising me. I was, at that point of time, really thought I was correct all the while... all the while not even wanting to compromise you for what you have done for me... all I did was to sit there and receive your messages in the night, sometimes not even wanting to reply. On that night, I said this to you. "It was until now I truly realise how much I loved you, how much things I could not have done without you." Despite the fact, we proceed on what we thought... that was the most devastating night of my life, something which I REALLY DID NOT want to do it at all... because at that point of time, nothing from me had changed for you, nothing. It was just growing.... growing stronger... I was afraid.. I said I was immature... if I had got you back at the next day, things will not turn out this way.. How much have I regretted losing someone like you.. Life goes on... Sometimes it is really really very hard to let go something which you really put in your everything to commit... and I did commit. Yes I did. Although my ego took over me, it didn't mean I did not. It didn't mean I did not love you as much as I asked you for the first time. It was growing... all along... 14th Sept was the beginning. I still remembered the day we started of... really well... It's the future now... I am still holding back... some things just cannot be changed, cannot be forgotten, cannot be left unfelt even after a long, long time.. I still have you in my heart. As always. Nothing's changed. No less. Why? Simply because you are still the one. Rambled by kaSh at 4:27 am Without you where do I belong Without you how can I go on.. Tell me how am I suppose to live my life without you... Clay Aiken and Kimberly Locke - Without you... Rambled by kaSh at 11:57 am If you are determined to persevere, you are determined to succeed. It doesn't matter if you fail, it does matter if you fail and won't wanna try again... When you fall, you get up to walk, you do not lie there and cry over it.. instead, stand up and think why have you fallen down.. Giving up = quit. Winners never quit and quitters never win. If you wanna win and succeed in your life, do not quit, do not give up. What's only a failure compared to the motivation which drives you to your route of success? The winners are the ones who are able to learn from their failures, from their mistakes, fine tune them and make sure they will not commit the same mistake again, moving on and finally, succeed. I've failed you once, twice or evn three times. It's not only once. But I persevere. Why did you fail? If you've learnt your mistakes, you will most probably not commit the same one again. Determination and learn from your mistakes and you will some day succeed. I've learn from my mistakes. I won't wanna give up on you easily. Rambled by kaSh at 2:01 pm Initially I thought my christmas would be really sad.. however it turned out to be... well quite wonderful... well quite I must say... Watched Ocean's 12.. then went down to Leslie's house for a BBQ... thought I would leave at around 2 plus, but in the end I reached home at 7... gambled and talked lotsa crap... I enjoyed myself.. I've been constantly reminding myself that I cannot lose the motivation.. the motivation in doing things to achieve my dreams, in carving the impossible.. sometimes you will lose that motivation... but think again... you cannot lose it, because once you do, you have to start all over again to build your dreams... To dare to dream is to challenge you life full of risks, to take on things which are deemed impossible to most of us, not to be afraid of obstacles which are far beyond our imagination... human's perserverence is the jinx of failure, the way to succeed.. if you do not try to change yourself for the better, you will be stuck there forever... For some reason people just cannot find their own source of motivation.. for the questions like what the hell am I doing this for... parents... they brought you up... till now if you do not appreciate what they have done for you, you can jolly well go to hell.. Friends... some friends... they went through thick and thin with you... people who are willing to even die for you, for just a plain simple reason: friendship... for someone who cares for you so much... Future... your future, something which you will not expect the unexpected... life is unpredictable... however destiny is in your hands.. if you do not control your fate, who will? Life is predestined.. yes it's true, but if you do not work doubly hard for something you want, you wont even succeed in the first place for your predestined path which lies ahead.. People who are so important to you... which drives you forward... which gives you that thirst, that desire to work even harder for them... these are the people in your life who you will cherish the most... you are not alone... you will not be... even if everyone dies out, there will always be someone there for you... "My motivation is you." Rambled by kaSh at 7:04 am Dreams drives us, gives us the motivation to live on. If you are determined, you will work towards you dreams. Your dream house, dream car, dream lifestyle and all that... The luxury you will wanna enjoy like no one else does, like no one else dream of... It's time to set realistic goals to achieve your dreams.. when is it the time to? Tomorrow? Few weeks, months or even years later? No. Now it's the time to. My dreams: 1 Enzo Ferrari 1 BMW 760Li 7 series 1 Penthouse situated around city area A detached house, designed by myself A few villas around the world Travel around the world after my retirement Party everyday like mad Retirement target at 45 to 50 years old It sounds ridiculous.. but if it isn't, you won't call that a dream. "My greatest dream is to share my dreams with you together, just the two of us, and no one else in this wonderland." Rambled by kaSh at 2:11 am Do you have the Emotional IQ? The EQ? How high is it? Your emotions determine your altitude in life. In order to control the people around you, you have to control yourself first. In order to succeed, you must help others to succeed first. This is an ever-changing world; time has changed.. there is no such thing as the Industrial Revolution anymore... A thousand years ago, if someone popped up and said he could switch on a light by just pressing a button on the wall, no one would believe him. A thousand years later, we did it. It has changed. Too much has changed... there is absolutely of NO USE to learn lessons from the past and to apply to the future... Similarly there is of NO USE using the TEN YEAR SERIES to learn the ever-changing world.. It's your dreams which drives you, keeps you moving on. What is your dream? "Everyone has dreams. My dream is to be with you for the rest of my life." Rambled by kaSh at 1:43 am Natasha's leaving for Canada on Wednesday for 4 years. 4 longs years man.... How time flies since the day I started to know you... It was during Sec 3... a sweet little girl who was loved by everyone... especially our English teacher, Mrs Ang... primarily because her English was so powerful and, we suck at it... haha.. Went through thick and thin together, with the whole class (almost all of them).. the Teacher's Day performance where you played the piano and I, the guitar and everyone else danced along with it... the Chalets that you've attended.. I am sure you had fun there... Then we entered the same JC. This time, we were quite separated, no longer like our class anymore... however we still keep in touch... Songfest, the thing which you really gave me your fullest support... time had drifted all of us away, studies, countless of time wasted on it... Today was the last gathering with you for you will be leaving, I hope you had fun there... steamboat, or table BBQ... it was fun flooding you with fishballs... Hope you will have fun there... Rambled by kaSh at 1:23 am What happens when we fail? We stand up and try again. A flaw which is found in most of us is, we are afraid of failing. We cannot fail. Whatever we do, we must succeed. That's what school teaches us. We cannot fail. If we fail, we will be lagged behind. And when we fail, it's devastating, the feeling sucks. You do not have that motivation (but eventually) to stand up again. We must fail. We must fall. That's how we actually learn, learn how to get up again. Do not be afraid of failing, of rejection, for it will bring us our sucess, for you will learn not to commit the same mistakes again. Life's full of risk. If you do not take the risk to make a change, you will stuck there forever. A poor will alwys be one if he doesn't take the risk to become rich. A mofo will always be one if he doesn't take the risk to change his attitude. The more you fail, the more you make mistakes, the more you got rejected, the more you learn. And the more you learn, the more you will be able to succeed in life. So, rejection = success. If one day you are rejected by a girl of your dreams, fret not. Ask yourself why are you rejected and pursue on instead of brooding over (that's what school teaches us) and TRY AGAIN. Remember, rejection = success. "When will I see you again?" Rambled by kaSh at 1:07 pm Forgo the driving lessons for the time being. I need the money elsewhere. Life for now has changed. Heading down to Shenton Way almost every evening, having lunch, dinner and supper and Lao Pa Sat, have more time with my friends now, alot more time, I stopped cycling, whether if it is in the morning or at the night, stopped as well. But as usual, playing maple for the whole afternoon before heading down. Created a bunch of new characters which are ready to train. No harm trying other characters since I have so much time. Allow me to share something with you peeps. There is a difference between knowing and understanding. When you see a bunch of professionals playing badminton, you think it's easy. But when you go try to play like, it is not. "Actions speak louder than words." What is the difference between theory and practical work? There is no use even if you know the theory and never try it out. Similarly it's bullshit when you are trying to judge something based on it's theoritical assets rather than going in to try and giving your comments about it. I am a non-golfer. I say golf suck. Would you believe me? I never swam in my entire life. I say swimming is fun. Would you consider that shit? How long would you be there? I miss you like crazy. "Every night I pray for you. Will be here waiting for you..." Rambled by kaSh at 11:40 pm Last minute Ubin chalet on Saturday.. Cool. Sometimes last minute decisions can be quite cool especially when you thought you have nothing to do during the weekends. Punggol Marina Country Club is a deserted place; you need a cab to get in there... or get a stupid shuttle bus from Punggol MRT station. The good thing is, we need not pay for anything once we are at Ubin. Thanks Calista. Reached there for a BBQ, initially we thought we were only there for a BBQ. Oh well... Wanted to leave in the morning at the next day, but somehow something stopped us from doing so. The breakfast was awesome man... Went rock climbing in the afternoon but OMG the weather... it rained.. so no more rock climbing. Wanted to leave in the night, got stopped again. The next day I had badminton friendly and BBQ which will last for the whole day... Oh well, slept at the chalet... didn't really sleep. CC, Calista and Hui Min talked and talked and talked. Ok nvm.. don't really mind that anyways. Ate breakfast on Monday morning, then rushed to take the ferry and back to mainland. Chiong for a taxi. Waited for a long time. Oh man.. I reached home, re-packed my bag and leave for Dunman Sec. zzz Played badminton. I suck at badminton seriously. Haiz.. Oh man... At night it was the BBQ. Nothing much. Just ate alot of stingrays... scared the girls while they did their nightwalk. Haha. It was really fun. Today: Went out. Ate NYDC. First time I felt so really full. You know usually I would help her to clear her food (I am your rubbish bin) but somehow today, I can't. Haiz. Played the arcade and watched Blade Trinity. Then went home. That was early. "Leave. For I would miss you. My heart will grow fonder. Don't leave, for I want you to be by my side. My heart will love you deeper." Rambled by kaSh at 1:01 am Chalet's over. Time flies really fast... I can't grasp the memories, the things which I could have done but have not... Merry came to my house. Did the stingrays which apparently she said she knew how to do but later on that day she said it was her first time doing so. Anyways the stingrays were packed in 2 tupperwares and when it was done seasoning with the sambal my mum bought the night before, we had to use 4 tupperwares to store all of them. Yeah, and blah blah blah... Rushed down to the chalet. I thought i was late (yes I was) but the ladies reached there slightly earlier than me (we suppose to check in at 2, I reached at 4 and the ladies, at 3). So everyone was late, it was just a matter of who was later. Took a cab down with June, Hui Ling and Clara to Sheng Siong. Bought a whole load of crap which cost 82 bucks. Drinks, utensils and all that. All of them. 82 bucks. Cool. Went back to the chalet. It was time to start the bbq. Set up the fire together with June. I love to set up fires. Just look at the flames emerging and rekindling. And yeah. All the wings and sticks and rays were on the grill in no time. CC, TS, Rod and Jon came to join us later in the night. Then they went to Zouk. Goddamnit. I wanted to go! Oh well. They came back at around 3 plus to 4am in the morning... reserved a box of stingrays for these clubbers. Walked all the way from Costa Sands to the BBQ pit with Merry. Long, but sweet walk. Hope your legs aren't tired after all that... Seldom walk the park, but when I walk, it tends to be a memoriable one. Gone back to the Chalet. Saw Rod, TS, Jon and CC. BBQed with them. Crapped with them too. Guys' chat? LOL. That was only the first night. 2nd day. Didn't really sleep. Tossed and turned. Wanted to go for breakfast. Ended up lying on the bed. Then went for lunch. It was late. 11 plus 12 in the morning. Wasted our morning. Went to Whitesands with Merry for lunch. Then ate ice cream. Then went back to chalet. The ladies demanded for Merry and I had no choice but to surrender her to them. They went to wild wild wet. I went down to my sec sch for a short badminton session. Didn't wanna play badminton at first. Too bad. My hand was so damn itchy. Played a little, realised that I didn't have the towel to bathe. Oh well, it's ok. I don't really stink that much.. hehe Dinner at Downtown East. Then went to collect photos. Then came back for my show. Then went to walk with Merry again, this time to the Red House. Talked a little. Then went to the beach and sat there. It was cold. Really cold... Went back around 5 something. Went to look for my friend which had a chalet nearby. They were playing with a frog. Those mofos. Kids. Threatening an animal's life. No life biatches. Went home at 7 plus. Slept through the afternoon. Then headed down to Marina Mandarin for my cousin's wedding. All my paternal side's cousins have married. The next one will be me. When would it be? My mother said, about 10 years later. I have to enjoy as much as possible before settling down. I don't mind waiting for you, because I have 10 years to do so. I don't mind waiting for you for a longer period of time, more than 10 years. I don't mind. I hope you won't wanna keep me waiting for that long. Rambled by kaSh at 1:56 pm Something which I longed for more than 6 months, gone in just a few hours. It's not it takes to be, nor what the process was, nor the way it ends... but ultimately, it comes true.. whether if it's just a split of a second, it doesn't matter to me, because of all, it eventually happened. The arrow of time still moves on, nothing will stall there just for you and me. Go on. Chalet's tomorrow, hope to have fun! Rambled by kaSh at 10:03 pm Prom pics at here! Enjoy! Rambled by kaSh at 1:07 pm Best prom I've ever had (Ok I only have 2, sec sch one and this one, and sec sch one SUCKS). Woke up at around 1 plus in the afternoon (that's coz Prom was at 715) and took my bloodly sweet time travelling down to Orchard Road, expecting some weird hairdo. But before that, I went down to pass her a set of nice necklace and earrings, which I did not think she would wear it to the Prom, but oh well, it looked really nice on you, isn't it Merry? Did my hair. OMG. I had to sit there and wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait and doing nothing for the past... 2 hours... what the hell man... Gotta sink my head into this stupid steamer and such and blah blah blah... Ok finished that weird hairdo.. The 3 girls finished really early too, so they wanted to seek refuge (quite embarrassed walking around department stores with your night gowns on) and they came over to my mum's place to camp. Crapped a little... Mum and I conspired... I told her I wanted to get some chocolates and HOPING that I will get them and go back to my mum's shop before the 3 girls do (One of them was my date and the chocolate was meant for her) and thank god, I succeeded. Then I told my mum I wanted to get a stalk of rose and as usual, wanting to get that rose before they reach my mum's place. Unfortunately when we were at the flower shop, they called and said they were outside my mum's place already. So I bought the rose and told the shopkeeper that I will collect it later, sneaking back to my mum's shop together with my mum, telling them that we went to the toilet... no suspicions aroused =). BUT, shops closes at 630, and we wanted to leave at 7, so the rose must be in my mum's office somehow or rather.. Clever mum of mine took a paper bag out, telling us that she is going to the toilet, and escorted the rose back to the shop UNNOTICINGLY. Haha. I sent the 2 girls off first. Then it's time for me and my date go set off... I told her to wait for the at the taxi stand, of course, I need to get the chocolates and rose but not in front of her, so I told her to leave first.. then met her down there, and gave them to her... Sorry if my rose wasn't really big in size and numbers.. I really hope you will appreciate that. Set off for Prom. Reached there at around 730 (yes late, but not everyone's seated) and we took alot of photos. Too bad I didn't have a digital cam. Really sad. haiz.. The entrance wasn't really that grand but oh well, we did it our way, you know those thingy, acting grand and enter the ballroom.. hahaha. Had alot of fun there, the main focus wasn't on the food you know, after a few courses we apparently stood up, walked around and took hell lotsa photos with everyone, I walked around looking for my friends and crapping with them... too bad our table didn't really win any prizes and such and oh well.. haha. After prom, took alot of photos again, this would be the last time we will be seeing each other, especially in our once in a lifetime formal, casual and smart outfits, which turned the boys into gentlemen, and of course, the girls into really beautiful ladies who I can't really get my eyes off. Haha. Oh ya, some of us booked a hotel room.. Great idea, but I wanted to spend some time with my date.. some more time.. so we walked to the esplande, somewhere there, sat down and talked rubbish for the whole night... ended up she falling asleep, which apparently I did not know what to do at the time coz I did not have anyone to talk to anymore... Watched her sleep... and blah blah blah. When she woke up, we walked to the main road to get a cab and down to the hotel.. went to 7-11 first.. then traveled back to the hotel... bought this cup noodles to eat inside... Oh well.. when I reached the hotel everyone was just about to go to sleep, some was already asleep... so I sang some songs to get them up.. hahahaha. Ate our cup noodles at the stairs, got caught by the security... we went back to our hotel room and slept there... can't really sleep... so just closed my eyes (my contacts was still on). Woke up and back to sleep again and such... The sun rises.. me and her went out to walk around, sat down and talked some more crap again. Oh well.. then went back to the hotel room, discussed about our upcoming chalet which was another happening event for me... the last one for our class... oh man... Went down to eat Mac with her, took a cab back home and slept till 8pm in the night... hahaha. Oh ya, not to mention saw some really hot babes during the Prom, wanted to take some photos with them, but I resisted that temptation.. hahaha. I miss the class really much... really had fun... I really love the class... the shiet that I speak and they don't mind.. I like the fun, the way that they dressed so eloquently during the prom, the things that the did, laughing at my lame jokes, although sometimes it wasn't that funny at all... Isabelle, Hui Ling, Sophia... they will laugh along... Yin Jie... she will always be suaned by me and forever wont take it to heart... Pei Yu, such a sweet girl who can withstand me whinings, shiet, crap, and laugh along, giving me all the advises, or sometimes keeping really quiet which I find it really helpful.. Winnie and Clara, laming with you girls during GP lessons.. Jon, the king of shiet, June Yong, so handsome during Prom... haha, Kiat Haw, cool looking guy... and Merry... I have too many things to say to you... it will take forever.. I enjoyed the whole goddamn Prom adn whole night... best part of all was the period when there was only you and I... Thank you for being my date, my partner... thank you for being my everything at that night.. It doesn't matter who's the Prom Queen on that night, because to me, you are the Prom Queen for that night. "It doesn't matter if it won't last long. What matters most is what you hope for, comes true." Rambled by kaSh at 10:13 pm PROM IS LATER. WAH I SO DAMN EXCITED ABOUT IT! WOOHOO WAIT FOR MY SURPRISE DUDES! Rambled by kaSh at 1:20 pm |
My friends #verythin Zeqi Hsi En Mitchell Natasha Qiu Hui Chewy Hui Qi Ginger Belinda Shu Ting Leon Zhi Wei Lewis Valerie Xinmin Isabelle June Yong Benjamin Jiun Pey Aik Meng Wan Ling Hui Ling Clara Jolene Li Hui Ah Zai Yin Jie Lee Shyuan Wei Luo Way Chin Hui Ying Yani Mary Roddy Yen Wei Leanne Isaac Cheng Chong Chun Pei Mel Shi Rui Bert Shu Hao Michelle Eunice | ||||||
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