This is my story...

Sunday, May 29, 2005

When the second just passed, you asked yourself what had you done rightfully, cracking your head and bear the consequences or the fruits of labour of what you have completed.

When the minute just passed, you questioned yourself why the rush and why the countless things to be done within such a short period of time, or rather why that minute had just passed slowly and steadily, why your time was wasted on things which are not worth doing for.

When the hour had passed, you started to think why did time flow so fast, or rather the contrary why did it travel so slowly, so calmly, as though you were suffering from eternity, and hoping that it will be all over soon.

When the day had passed, you felt relieved, things which you had done, justly or not, it doesn't matter anymore because it cannot be undone. You thought back and told yourself, tomorrow will be a better day, tomorrow will be another day of fun, or another day of restless torment.

When the month had passed, you choose to let go everything in your mind, the bad ones especially, and felt relieved that they were over. The good ones, will be left in your heart, the ones which you will remember it for life as memories, although some were really sour, but eventually it all came to an end.

When the years had passed, you will think back what you have done, what had shaped you into what you are now, past moments which you cherish so dearly, and you know that it can never be brought back again, never these things which are done so merrily, repeated again with the same ambience and the same people. The nostalgia came when you stepped into places which reminded you of how wonderful you had times when you were there, you wanted to be like that again, you don't want time to flow so fast, eventually, you finally appreciate what you were given when in the past, because the present has not granted you that privilege.

The factor of time leads all mankind to and eventual end, the route to it depends on te individual. Although moments gone cannot be retrieve anymore in any other way, one must understand that, these memories serve a purpose in your life; it keeps you going on. Good or bad, different memories indulge a different effect on every individual, sometimes people take things for granted but eventually when that time has passed, things will change for the better, but for some, they are simply indifferent for the fact that everything will come again.

I don't really miss the past few weeks during my army days, for the fact that I wanted to pass out so badly, and for the fact that I had to get up so early in the morning and a long day is awaiting for me again. But I am sure I will after a few months' time.

I wanna be seventeen again.

Rambled by kaSh at 6:48 pm

I am back from field camp! It was quite slack lah compared to the other field camps but it was also quite xiong due to the tekan-ing sessions given by the instructors. Those crazy mofos. Don't know what's wrong with their brains and all that.

The first night it rained. Thunderstorm. It was the most fucked up night I have ever had in the whole of my entire life. My basha collapsed because it cannot withstand the thunderstorm and I was drenched inside out. I even used my hand to support my basha and thus the water flowed into my sleeve and into my body. Imagine that, and sleeping in the mud. Holy crap. I really felt like crying and I was cursing and swearing for the whole time.

The second night it rained too. But my basha was able to withstand the shiet, but it was damn cold lah. And when I was sleeping there was this big big centipede which crawled onto my face. I immediately got up and flicked it and went to find the torchlight to search for that piece of shiet. It was lucky I didn't find him, if not it's dead by then.

Ya it didn't rain for the third night. So we had our run around the forest. Anyways overall it was a memorable experience with some really screwed up shiet during field camp lah.

9 more days till I pass out. HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO.

Rambled by kaSh at 12:25 pm

Monday, May 23, 2005

I bought Zen Micro. Don't ask me why did I buy it. I just feel like getting one. And 4 days passed by so quickly. Goddamnit. I have to return to camp again. And this time it's outfield for 4 days and 3 nights, meaning sleeping with insects and bugs for 3 nights, eating horrible food for 3 nights and so on.

Yeah.

I left 2 weeks to POP and I cannot wait for it!

Watched Star Wars III. It was a nice show lah.

And I don't really understand what the hell is going on in Kingdom of Heaven.

Who gives a shiet anyways.

Logging off. If you need me, call me. Doubt anyone will do so. Hehehehehohohohoho.

"You brighten up my life."

Rambled by kaSh at 3:12 pm

Friday, May 20, 2005

Two weeks and no updates! I had my range (shooting, live shooting with real rifle and real rounds) last Saturday. So basically my weekends were burnt. So I didn't have the time to update my blog. Sad.

They compensated us with a bookout on Friday evening today. So I'll have a long weekend and I get to sleep on my bed on Friday night!

3 more weeks to the end of BMT! I cannot wait for it lah. Though I've made really nice friends in there, but I think it's better for us to complete everything and get posted to our vocations and get the hell out of army life.

And I have this bunk mate who has absolutely no sense of personal hygiene and independence. I mean what the hell, how in the world did he enter the army? Goddamnit I was really pissed with him this morning for switching on the lights at 4am in the morning, disturbing my sleep. For those who know me, I HATE BEING DISTURBED FROM MY SLEEP.

Anyways there is nothing to talk about him. Wasting my time and space and energy to type shiet about him.

Hmm as usual. You have to march to eat. March or double to anywhere around the whole school.

Maybe keeping a mum of everything seems to do the job pretty well.

And I wonder why do I still miss you suddenly when I was happily cleaning my rifle that afternoon. Anyways don't care. You aren't significant anymore. Shouldn't waste my time and the spaces in my brains on you.

But something's never change: The fact that I will not get used to waking up at 0530. What the hell so early for what sia.

Trust me, BMT is kinda wasting time. But they will always tell you the same old things; it is because you have a powerful defence force so we are enjoying peace now. Whatever.

What crap.

I am gonna spend my weekends fruitfully. I can't wait to watch star wars lah. Thanks to the army I cannot catch it on time. What to do, you have to serve the country.

Actually I really don't know what to blog about lah. Everyone is not interested into army stuff. I have no girls stuff because you cannot find any in the army (except in cookhouse where you can get aunties to add more stuff in your rice). I have no complains (oh ya I have but it's a waste of time typing them out). My life is just like that.

So I don't know about anything or everything about the world, because I choose not to observe and believe what the world can give me.

What the fuck am I talking.

Rambled by kaSh at 7:50 pm

Sunday, May 08, 2005

I just don't see what's the rationale for a reveille at 0500 hours.

Damn. I am always looking forward to the weekends. No I don't hate the army, but sometimes you just miss home and your friends so dearly. Luckily I wasn't confined for two weeks, if not I will get into depression.

Aiya actually there isn't anything interesting to talk about the army. Just that you have to march or run from point to point. No walking and all that. And you have to stand there for at least 10 to 15 minutes just to wait for people to give you commands. And the food sucks there.

Oh and one more thing. Thanks to the stupid exercises that I must do every single morning, my fitness level increased tremendously man. I run faster in courts and such. Cool. Never felt so light before.

I always thought it was so impossible for me to wake up at 5am in the morning, not getting any afternoon naps in between, and go to bed at 1030pm in the night.

I always thought it was impossible for me to complete my endurance training, or to run with an injured feet, or some cramps on my thighs, or to sprint past 20 people at once.

I always thought it was impossible for me to get used to army lifestyle due to it's strict disciplinary rules and regulations.

I always thought it was impossible to conquer my sheer laziness, even if it's in the army.

It wasn't impossible. The thought of the impossible was because I didn't even have the thought of trying. Once you tried, impossible is nothing. It's just an opinion, an excuse to run away from events which you wanna avoid.

What's impossible when you don't even wanna try?

It's just a sub-conscious thought of the impossible.

Nothing is impossible as long as you choose to believe it.

Rambled by kaSh at 1:33 pm

Monday, May 02, 2005

I only know how to talk rubbish. Nothing else is good comes out from my mouth. I am bad at words. Sometimes I even say the wrong things, that's why I prefer not to say. I tend to be a little straightforward at times, but my words just jumble me up. I just don't know how to speak well and express well my thoughts are feelings. That's just me.

I may only be something which is so worthless and insignificant, achieving nothing great but just wasting my time for the past 5 months at home sleeping and playing the computer all the way. Yes I do think I am like that.

But the one thing which makes me go on with life is because I don't really care what others say. Who cares. It's my life and I wanna live it. So what if you reprimand me for being so slack at home, instead of looking for a job, working from 9 to 5 everyday, complaining every single night on your blog about the job you are in, saying that the pay sucks, the people around you are just two-faced, the boss is just an asshole and all that?

And I believe that previously I've let off most of the opportunities slipped passed me, not cherishing and realising that they have come. Something which I've regretted most of the time. If you know me you will know some of my stories.

Maybe I've mistaken, or whatever you wanna say, whatever you wanna spout me at, whatever you wanna think. Maybe it's just me, as I've said, someone who is worthless and useless. Maybe those are the reasons which disallowed me to be the key to your heart. Maybe those are the reasons which unabled me to be the one who will be there whenever you need me.

But I wanna tell you. If I made a mistake for falling for you simply because there is something wrong with my eyes, then I'd rather go blind.

The theory always goes right. If you don't take the risk and instead play safe, you won't get what you always wanted.

Time isn't a major factor. Yeah. I've said already. Whatever he cannot give you, I can.

You just have to give me that one chance to prove it.

And by giving me that chance it means we can choose not to care about what others think, and to continue our lives as per normal.

If you choose to seclude yourself there for now, you are missing out an opportunity. It goes both ways. I hope you understand my words.

I just don't wanna let such an opportunity like you to slip pass me, again.

"Open up the part of you that wants to hide away, and tell me it will be alright for me to stay."

Rambled by kaSh at 5:40 pm

Saturday was book out day. Yeah I was so damn lucky because I was supposedly confined for two weeks then book out the next week, but there was this Labour Day holiday! Yeah so basically I didnt get confined. Yay.

NS was sian lah. Ok only lah. It was fun because I made friends there. It was boring because you have to wake up early in the morning to do some exercises, your movement is restricted, you cannot roam about anyhow, and you have to drink hell lotsa water. Well it's all the experience that counts. For the first few days time passed really slow for me because I didn't know anyone there, but as time goes by, we made friends and time passed faster.

Yeah if I were to write things about NS in this entry I bet it will be much longer than the previous post and no one will ever bother to read it. So cut the NS. Just an information: I ain't dying. The training was as tough as I expected during this first week. But even though I am a PEC C recruit, I don't think the training is this tough. It was tough for a PES C BMT lah.

I am bald! Ok just little strands of hair.

I watched firwworks yesterday! It was so damn nice lah. The last time I watched fireworks was during last year's National Day...

I went out with a group of friends for cycling (around 20+), wanted to camp outside of the indoor stadium to catch the firworks. I always yearned to watch fireworks with you, I called you out, but you aren't free, not because you aren't free, but because we had shiet for the past week.

The fireworks was indeed nice, the view was spectaculating, the ambience was just the perfect one for the explosions which lit up the whole darkened sky. As I sat onto the grass glaring at one of the most beautiful artworks of man, my heart wasn't contented. The beautiful blaze of the colourful sparks wasn't suppose to be appreciated alone. Right there my heart was thinking where were you, and if you were watching the same sparks at the same time.

I felt sad. The feeling of not watching these fireworks with you by my side. Not because you weren't free, but because you simply don't wanna watch with me. The feeling of someone not by you side for a view of such breathtaking event, wasn't really breathtaking at all. It was just a simple explosion which lit up the sky containing chemicals which changed their colour on the way up there...

But this time the view was even nicer, even more spectulating, even more breathtaking, even more enjoyable. The view of the explosion near the Sheare's bridge was simply marvelous. I sat near the river, and across the dull sky, sparks suddenly shot up and brightened up the sky. It exploded with style: it spread evenly from the centre to the side, creating circles of sparks with a variety of bright colours. Then more came. The reflection in the water just brightened up the whole ambience even more. It lasted for around 5 minutes.

That 5 minutes of non-stop fireworks was one of the most memorable times in my life, because it really matters if someone is there with you to catch it, it would just spice up the whole atmosphere.

Yeah, and I enjoyed it because you were just sitting right beside me to see them.

Rambled by kaSh at 8:49 am