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About Me Name: Alvin Age: 20 School: none Education: none
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Do I seem to have a problem with anyone? Not that I know of. Do I ever poke into any other body's business? Do I go around asking things which are totally unrelated and irrelevant to me? No. And I know, I may sound a little immature and inconsistent. I choose what I want to do, as long as it is within the limits, I am satisfied of doing the things which I want, regardless of what the others want or tell me what to do. Think again. Are you in the control of my wealth? Are you in control of my emotions? And have I ever offended anyone on anything, particularly on such topics? Do I? No. And why are people doing that to me? It is my choice, I do such things at my own will. Frankly, I do not care about what happen to people around me, sometimes I will ask out of concern and courtesy, but that does not mean people has to POKE INTO my business by, well asking others about me, how am I doing things in particular with someone else. I do not seem to gain any respect for that. What in the world is wrong? Is it a crime for me doing such things? But of course I am not that hostile. We can be friends. We will be friends. Friends help one another, friends respect one another. Friends help one another. I could be your friend by respecting your position and by not indulging in your sexual fantasies because things like this are somehow private. Well yes, different people have different thoughts, and if you know mine, please respect it. And I've said in the previous blogs. I do not wish to talk about anything I written down here, because this is for me to say things which I do not want to usually say. And, I already said, I do not mind jokes at all, as long as there is a limit to it, I am fine. I am not particular about such things, because it is all such trival things which make life more interesting. And yeah, if you guys want to know, I am what I am doing. Who cares what I am doing to anyone? I didn't harm her in any way, if fact I do, as a gentleman, respect ladies to a far extent. I just do not want to pin any hopes onto anyone currently. As long as I find someone who I am happy with, it doesn't matter. Yes it does sound corny. But this is something which I am, and well, I do not know if I will be like this. If I offended anyone then I apologize, but I still stand right for my words. Rambled by kaSh at 11:04 pm Oh, at least someone reads my blog! And oh well, I've already said, I channel every sad and stupid thing I have done and felt into here, so there is no use asking me what happened this and that, because my reply will be, nothing has happened, and I am fine. Yes. And you know, I ain't exactly fine, it is just there isn't a need to explain every single action done by me. Whatever I do there will always be a reason behind it, not that I am some psychopath mental freak son of a zzz, I have a conscious and I can THINK. I always do the thinking. So yeah. And play time is over, please stop it. Rambled by kaSh at 7:52 pm As much as I like you really much I know it will not work out. For two different worlds apart of feels, for everything is all but a dream... no wait, no dreams, that part has not been out yet. Anyways if only I could just forgo everything and revert back to my own ways of living. It was so carefree and enjoyable, but we know that things in the past are only to be reflected and not to dwelled upon, and eventually life goes on. How many times have I said life goes on throughout my entire blog? I think it will be slightly little more than ten, and of course that kind of constant reminding of myself that life goes on thingy, but still I am stuck down here wondering where has all the life gone to, dwelling onto things which I really hoped for and not going after for it.... And speaking of not striving things I want, or rather things one wants. I know sometimes it is just too difficult to approach a salegirls for an intrique object asking how much the price is, but when you realise that it is easily done, you would have thought "at least I tried, and succeeded of course", and well little do we realise that it applies to almost everything under the sun. All we have to do is just to ask, and well with a little more determination and perserverance, we get our stuff. However this cannot be applied to a mysterious concept called love. Love is all wonderful, it binds things together, the bond is so strong that a simple fall will not affect anything at all. However things will change if something small yet drastic affects it. I do not know, love starts from nothing, and grows up to be eternity. And I said, as much as I want it to happen, I could not do it, because of every other thing which is happening to me. Perhaps I could treat things more seriously (or less) at the appropriate situation, or whatever it is, I could just simply act indifferent to every single thing around me. That is what I used to be, of course I want to be what I always hope for. Maybe there is just this incomplete side of me waiting to be discovered, or filled it, and so far none has satisfy the conditions of filling it completely, some partially, some just cannot fit and some just fit in a terribly while and dropped off. There are so many fish in the sea, maybe the perfect one I will catch eventually, come to me, for we can spend our eternity in the vast ocean of love and peace... Rambled by kaSh at 12:56 am Yes I realise, I finally realise, that the origin of the cause, why it has been like this, why everyone has been reacting like this, why things turn out that way, why it is not always meant to be what it suppose to... At least I know, or at least I will try to remedy it. But nevertheless the damage has been down, it will be a difficult reverse if I were to try. The cause is just me... Rambled by kaSh at 12:38 am Drunk. Fatigue. Headache. My head was spinning, the world went round and round. The tides turned against me yet again. I downed just as much as I could handle, and a little more. More than what I could do, hastened up every single sip I took. Yes. Sorrows are meant to be drowned, drowned into the bottomless sea, the bed of no living substance roam, because those things are meant to be settled there. And yet again, everything came back. Everything went afloat, swirving through my memories again and again, time and again, the feeling of being drunk the first time was due to horrible and devastated events which drove me into nowhere, which left me with nothing at all The repercussions of the events just came about. Somehow or rather I will never be able to get them off, to get you off, the impact was just too great, to much for me to handle even for now. Too much of a scar has reminence of it, too much of a pain I could withstand it. It is like a thousand knives through my heart, I just feel like, bursting out. I lived and cried and cried and lived. It was just the same as everything. No, no one can help, at least, just give me a hug to make me feel better temporary, then it will eventually come back to haunt me again. I just cannot let go, and I am trying to... How could I move on? I do not know anymore... Rambled by kaSh at 2:28 pm I got my driving license! At last! Woot! At least this is a happy post. Rambled by kaSh at 6:48 pm No, I cannot be like this. I cannot be too much of a person who strangles the hell outta someone. Breathing space... yes breathing space... Maybe it is time to be ignorant again, for ignorant is bliss. And tell yourself that the day will be filled with full of surprises ahead, and do not expect anything outta it, so the day will be filled with happiness and cheer, for it will not dull any single moment you encounter. Yes, tell yourself that the down side is a lesson for you to get stronger, and bring up your courage to show that you can conquer, what you had failed, will not be another mistaken trail. And yes, maybe I have not been so nice to someone for so long already, just minor sacrifices once in a while doesn't really affect myself. There is nothing in the world that is perfect, so bare with the unfairness and unjust around you. Be it, this is life. Vent it, for containing it will be bad eventually for health. I am just another wondering lonesome trying to find back what it is left of me. Rambled by kaSh at 10:37 pm Good things are hard to come by, just like a rare stone. There are just things which are always hidden and growing, partially due to the things which I do, the things which you do... You are a nice girl, someone who really cheers me up nonetheless, but perhaps it is the setbacks that I have encountered, perhaps it is the way, the environment, we know, perhaps it is just the way it is, for somewhat I must say I really like you, but this is definitely not the type, not the one that I asks for. No, it is not my choice to do so, maybe somewhat we could find a better someone eventually, for of course we come from different backgrounds, different choices and mixtures of people around us, different environment... Maybe this is only one sided, but I just have to say, I really enjoyed the little and short times, for I am immune to external factors and I do not really care anyways, how we treat each other, as a friend, or something else I do not know, it was enjoyable. Maybe it's just a small crush, crushes do occur at times, occur at times when I feel down, when I feel sad, when I feel, like loving someone else again.. No you are absolutely not a substitute I want to find, you are genuinely too good to be true, but perhaps things have to turn out ways which, well not a choice for everyone to make to satisfy... so it all goes on... I do not know, my life still goes on, or will it stand still for like it used to be... I never knew I cannot fall in love like I used to do again... Rambled by kaSh at 2:15 am |
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